try to hold my tongue but it's useless
by celaenos
Summary: Emma ignores Regina's rules about not touching things in her vault, gets some magic powder all over her, and a simple magic lesson turns into a revealing day all around. (Swan Queen Week Prompt: truth serum)


Emma glances around in the dank vault, "you know, a window would do this place good." She says, lifting up a small bottle filled with a deep violet liquid and inspecting it.

"I said not to touch anything!" Regina yells, and snatches it away from her. "I've been forced to repeat myself every single lesson we've had. Are you incapable of keeping your hands to yourself?"

Emma grins, bored with magic lessons and feeling in a teasing mood. "Well... " she wiggles her eyebrows. Regina only glares, not taking the bait. Emma huffs and crosses her arms over her chest. "Here. Not touching a thing." She promises.

Regina makes a face that in some circumstances could be taken as a thank you, but Emma knows her better than that.

Before Regina can say anything else, her phone rings. "It's Henry, I'll be right back." She heads up out if the vault for better reception and Emma is left to her own devices.

She's never been alone in Regina's vault before, and despite all Regina's warnings, Emma is curious; so she decides to explore while she has the chance. Hardly anything is labeled, Regina must know what everything is by heart. Which Emma finds a little bit impressive. Mostly it's just vials of liquid, old looking boxes that are impossible to open, and clothes. Emma discards most of the vials, without knowing what they are, she's not about to open them and accidentally grow a tail or something else horrifying. She tries to open every box in sight, a habit from childhood she never seems to be able to get rid of. She pockets a small, smooth, teal rock, and only feels guilty about it for half a second. Another horrible childhood habit. Most of the boxes are locked, but a few hold jewelery, and trinkets that after glancing at for more than a minute or so feels like an invasion on Regina's privacy. One small, ornate wooden box up on a shelf catches her eye, and Emma pulls it down. She can see that it's not locked, just stuck shut and yanks harder, lifting her foot up against the wall for leverage. She grunts until it flings open; exploding with a light pink powder and encasing Emma with it. She begins to cough and stumbles back, waving her arms to get the powder away from her face and nose. Such is her luck, Regina chooses that very moment to walk back down into the vault, tucking her phone in her jacket pocket, and halting the second she sees Emma.

"What did you do!?" She yells.

Emma sputters and continues swatting at her clothes, trying to get rid of the power sticking to her skin. "I... sort of went through all your stuff, and that box exploded all over me. It was totally my fault." Emma frowns, she had absolutely meant to say it '_wasn't_ her fault'.

"You idiot!" Regina steps forward and shoves Emma away from the box, her eyes widening once she realizes what box Emma had been talking about. "Complete, utter, _idiot_," she mumbles under her breath.

"Sometimes when you call me an idiot, I think you mean it in a nice way." Emma says, and stops bothering to try and get rid of the powder. It's stuck to her clothes, to her hair, her skin, she's gonna be pink for days. She frowns again, she hadn't intended on saying that out loud. She's not sure why she did.

Regina whips her head around and glares, giving Emma an odd look. The glaring, she is perfectly used to at this point, but the questioning in Regina's eyes is new. Emma's only noticed it here and there within the last month or so; ever since they got back from Neverland.

"I most certainly do _not_. I mean, you are an _idiot_." She says, her voice harsh and cruel. Emma almost flinches, despite their tentative... alliance? Emma doesn't even know what to call it, every once in a while, Regina flares up with a look or a remark that Emma knows is the 'Evil Queen' persona. It frightens everyone; except Emma and Henry. It just makes Emma sad, and she knows it makes Henry worried. "I've told you time and time again not to touch my things. Many of these potions and powders are _dangerous_. How can I get that through your thick Charming skull?"

Emma shakes her hair out, coughing again as the pink powder gets in her mouth. "Am I gonna grow a tail? Or die?"

Regina pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs, exasperated. "No."

"Oh good. A tail might be fun for a couple of hours, but it would get weird pretty quick. I'd have to cut tail holes in all my pants, and it'd make sex pretty weird. Not that I'm having any right now. But if I wanted to, it might get weird." Regina's face pinches, looking strained somehow and Emma narrows her eyes, confused. "You keep doing that," she says without meaning to, "making that face at me."

"I do not!" Regina snaps, looking angry. Which is normal if nothing else. "_What_ face?" She asks.

"Sometimes you look sad and it usually makes me want to give you a hug." Emma covers her mouth, she absolutely hadn't meant to say that. "I meant that!" She yells, "No... I _meant_ that—I what the hell?" She can't stop the words from coming out of her mouth. "I keep saying stuff I mean but I don't want to say. I mean... I _mean_ them. _I mean them_! I—fuck!"

Regina steps forward and clamps a hand over Emma's mouth. "Stop. Talking. You—like an idiot—got into powder which forces a person tell the truth. You cannot stop it from happening, so stop trying."

Emma reaches up and pulls Regina's hand down from her mouth, keeping a hold of it. "How long is it gonna last?" She whines. "Why aren't you doing it? The powder is everywhere."

"At least twenty-four hours. Probably not much longer. And it's not clinging to me, I built up a tolerance years ago."

Emma pulls Regina's hand back up, covering her mouth with a whimper. Regina snatches it back.

"This is gonna suck, and you have really soft hands," Emma tries to grab them again, "what lotion do you use? Am I sorta drunk too? Cause, I feel like... tingly and weird."

"The powder gives off an aura of happiness, to keep the person calm. So essentially, yes. It makes you slightly buzzed while being forced to reveal the truth. It's very effective."

Emma looks up and realizes that Regina is still standing very close to her. She smells nice, so Emma tells her so. Regina makes the pinched face again, so Emma hugs her. Regina makes no move to hug Emma back. Her arms stay stuck down at her sides and she gasps, pulling her head back. Emma, feeling giddy and weird, only hugs her tighter. It takes her a second, but Regina finally shoves Emma back.

"Stop it!"

"You need practice. You're supposed to put your arms around the other person." Emma grins at Regina, the buzzed feeling is really kicking in now. "You look really pretty today." She says, because it's true. Her hair is always styled perfectly, but she's let it grow out a bit, falling just to her shoulders in big wavy curls. Emma nearly reaches up to touch them, but manages to stop herself. She's got control of her body it seems, if not what comes out of her mouth. That's good. Instead, Emma just looks at Regina. She's always been beautiful, but something in her has changed since they got back from Neverland. Emma has wanted to ask her what it was, but she's always been afraid. Unsure if they really have the type of relationship where they can talk about things like this. They've reached some sort of truce, allies, if not... the closest thing to friendship they're probably going to get. But Emma never wants to push her luck. Now, her hesitancy has all but disappeared. Afraid or not, she's going to say whatever comes to her mind. And Regina is beautiful, so she tells her so. It comes out in a sort of whisper, and Emma reaches out and tucks some hair out of Regina's face as she says it. Maybe she doesn't have total control of her body after all; or maybe, she just wanted to touch her hair.

Emma thinks it's a nice thing to say, but it makes Regina's face twist into a frown and step away from her. Emma reaches out again, trying to pull her back, but that only causes Regina to keep going further away. "Regina—" Emma starts, she doesn't know what is about to come out of her mouth, but it never gets the chance to make it out; Regina interrupts her.

"You should go shower," she says in a choked sort of whisper and starts up the stairs, backing away from Emma. "And be careful who you're around. You won't be able to control what you say. And once you've said something—" she catches Emma's eye, and Emma notices what she thinks is a hopeful look there; but Regina shuts it down almost immediately. "You can't take it back." Regina bolts up the stairs and Emma is left alone.

…

…

The powder in her hair starts to feel gross, so Emma goes to the apartment (it's always the apartment, never home) and sheds her clothes, climbing into the shower. Thankfully, Mary Margaret isn't here. _Snow_, she reminds herself. She'd snapped a while back and insisted people start calling her by her actual name. She's taken up teaching again since they got back from Neverland. Emma's been avoiding her, unable to hide her hurt at the declaration that she wants another child. Deep down, she knows her mother wasn't trying to hurt her; but she's so sick of not being enough. Never enough. She's too old, too broken, too loud, too quiet, too this, too that; never just her. Emma's gotten used to it over the years, but hearing it from Snow...

Emma shakes her head and squeezes out a large dollop of shampoo, scrubbing it into her scalp with vigor. She scrubs until it hurts, then rinses her hair out, smoothing conditioner into it as gently as she can.

When she steps out of the shower wrapped in a towel, she hears someone moving around downstairs. Emma shoots a glance at the clock on her nightstand—3:42—Snow is home.

Emma pulls on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, brushes her wet hair quickly and against her better judgement, heads downstairs. Her stomach is grumbling, she's missed lunch.

"Hi!" Snow greets her, her face lighting up. Emma forces a smile in return. It's not that she doesn't care, or love her even; it's just... she's not sure exactly how to go about it. The change from friend to mother is still confusing, and now that they have all this 'down time', no one trying to kill them or kidnap anyone; Emma has to finally deal with all this crap.

"Hey," Emma walks over and grabs a banana off the counter, peeling it and slathering some peanut butter on the top before taking a bite. "So, don't freak out but I got a bunch of dust stuff on me and I can only tell the truth for the next day or so. I'm gonna hole up in my room."

"What!? Snow turns to her, panic all over her face, "how? Wait, were you poisoned?" Her eyes widen, "did Regina _poison_ you?"

"What? No, god she wouldn't do that." Snow narrows her eyes. Emma slathers some more peanut butter on her banana. "_She wouldn't_." Emma insists with her mouth full. "Na' wiff me." Emma swallows, "she likes me. I don't even think she hates you all that much anymore. Not enough to try and kill you anyway." Snow looks a little hurt at this and Emma winces. She'd meant for that to come out at least a little more diplomatically. "Right, gonna go lock myself in my room. Just wanted to grab some food and my laptop."

"Why are you locking yourself in you room?" Snow asks.

"In case I say something that hurts someone's feelings." Emma says, and fills her arms with a bag of corn chips, two apples, and a slice of cold pizza.

"Why would you hurt someone's feelings?"

"Oh I dunno, maybe by saying something like I've been mad at you for weeks for saying that I'm not enough for you. Or that your hovering gets really annoying. Or that the amount of self righteousness you and David have gets _really fucking annoying_ sometimes. Or that I haven't gotten laid in way over a year and I'm incredibly horny. Or that this town feels suffocating sometimes. Or that Regina is so goddamn annoying, but also mostly I want to kiss her. Like, rough, messy kissing, then other things without clothes." Emma spits out quickly. The second she admits the last thing, she gasps; because she hadn't even really known she'd been thinking that, and she certainly hadn't meant to say it out loud to _her mother._ She hadn't meant to say any of it out loud and this was why she never should have come downstairs in the first place. "_Oh, shit_." Emma mumbles.

"I—" Snow shakes her head slowly, unable to processes all of the information Emma just dumped on her. "You... you think I don't think you're enough?" She asks, her voice pained. Emma slinks down into herself. She'd rather Snow latched onto the whole, wanting to make out with Regina thing. "Emma—" Snow steps forward and lightly grips Emma's forearm, choking back tears. "I never meant... _I never meant that_." She insists. And Emma knows; she's known since Snow said it, but it doesn't change the fact that she picked the very words Emma's heard all her life and spat them out at her. Intent or not, it doesn't actually make up for much of anything. "I just meant—" Emma steps away, slipping out of her grasp and dumping the food back down on the counter. She can't get into this, not now, not when she can't control what will come out of her mouth. Her room isn't far enough way. Snow will stand outside it all night.

Emma runs to the front door, grabs her jacket and leaves, ignoring Snow's calls for her to come back.

…

…

Somehow, she finds herself on Regina's front door. Ringing the doorbell then giving up and just pounding on it with her fist. Regina yanks the door open and snaps, "what?"

"I told my mom I want to make out with you. Also that I'm mad at her and a bunch of other stuff and I need to hide from her until this powder crap wears off. Can I come in?" Emma asks quickly. Regina's eyes widen comically, but Emma just shuffles her weight from foot to foot; the calm, happiness bit of this powder is wearing off. Now she's just anxious and on edge and feels like jumping out of her skin.

"I—no you may not."

"Please?" Emma begs. "I don't want to be alone, but also I want to be with you." She clamps a hand over her mouth. This is getting really, really annoying. Also, it's revealing a lot of things Emma has apparently been ignoring pretty successfully.

Regina stares at her for what feels like ages, then comes to some sort of decision she doesn't disclose to Emma; but she does open the door wider. Emma slips inside, still bouncing on her feet, her fingers twisting together, unable to calm herself down.

"Would you like a drink?" Regina asks after a minute.

"Yes. But I don't know if that's a good idea. I already feel weird enough, getting drunk seems like it will only make it worse."

"I'm not about to allow you to get drunk in my home. I offered you a single drink."

"Oh, well... alright." Emma shucks her jacket, too hot all the sudden, and kicks off her shoes. She sits down on the couch and pulls her legs up underneath her, trying to remain still. Regina steps into the other room, leaving Emma alone for a minute, before coming back, two glasses in her hands. She offers one to Emma then sits down in the chair opposite her. Emma frowns, "I want you to sit over here."

Regina clenches her teeth, and the look Emma's been seeing for weeks now slips back onto her face. Emma thinks she starting to figure out what it means. "Well, I don't want to sit there." Regina states. She's lying. Emma always can tell when she's lying, so she says so. Regina smiles at that, genuine, and it lights up her entire face. _God_ Emma wants to kiss her. God, she has wanted to do that for a while; she can't believe she didn't realize it until now. "Your superpower has been known to be faulty." Regina says.

"Not with you. I always know when you're lying."

Regina sips her drink and doesn't respond. Emma downs hers, her knees bouncing, refusing to keep still. The silence drags on, Emma flips her body around on the couch, trying to find a position that she can just relax and sit still in.

"What exactly did you say to make Snow angry?" Regina asks after a few minutes.

"Oh, that... like," Emma sighs, "all that crap she said in Neverland? About wanting another kid?" Regina nods, urging Emma to go on. "That—that's like what every foster family that sent me back said. That I wasn't enough. A younger kid is always better, people want babies, or I did something wrong, and it just... it was a little too familiar and I never really thought I'd hear it from _her_ you know? Like... not being enough for people who aren't your family is one thing, not being enough for your own mom is another."

Regina is silent, staring down at the floor and Emma sighs, twisting her body so that she's hanging upside-down on the couch, her legs draping over the back. When Regina looks back up at her, she actually lets out a small chuckle. It's light and something about it warms Emma, making her grin, lopsided and upside-down back at her.

"Mothers are tough." Regina says softly. Emma thinks that's all she's going to say on the subject, but then Regina sighs and wraps her arms around herself, not looking Emma in the eye. "I've known Snow White for a very long time," Regina looks off at nowhere in particular, "and I've had my own tumultuous relationship with my mother. Snow is many things; an idiot, always right in her own eyes, selfish in many ways, naïve and painfully ignorant in others." Regina finally turns to Emma, still upside-down on the couch, and looks her right in the eye. "But I've seen the way she looks at you, you are enough for her Emma. You are enough." She whispers, "even if Snow is too blind to see it, you are."

"You are too." Emma says, not exactly sure what she's referring to. But it's true. Regina is... all encompassing. And Emma doesn't think she really knows it. Regina's breath hitches, and she turns her head away from Emma. Emma flips her legs over—very ungracefully—and lands with a thud on the floor. "Both are mothers screwed us up." Emma jokes, Regina's shoulders tense, and Emma thinks maybe that was the wrong thing to say. _Everything_ she says today is the wrong thing to say. "Not totally though," Emma backtracks, "I mean, we're not dead, there's room for improvement."

Regina turns her head slowly and frowns at her. Emma has no idea what she's talking about. It's time for a subject change.

"How did you learn to cook?" She asks.

Regina's eyes widen, shocked at the question, but she sighs and Emma sees her shoulders relax. "Lots of cookbooks, television and the internet." She shrugs, "I had a lot of free time before I had Henry. It was... a challenge, lots of trial and error, but I found I enjoy it. It's therapeutic."

"I burn everything." Emma admits, she's now sitting cross-legged on the floor right in front of Regina. "At my... fifth foster home, when I was like twelve or so, I tried to make this big birthday breakfast for my foster dad; and I blew up the microwave." Regina snorts and looks at her incredulously. "No, I did. But I mean, no one ever told me you couldn't put metal in it. How was I supposed to know? Microwaves should say it like right on the front or something, 'do not put metal in here.' It blew up! And this horrible smelling black smoke filled the whole house. And we all had to open all the windows and run outside, cause it was like toxic or something. And everyone was so mad at me." Emma picks at a small hole in her jeans. "I got sent away like a week later." She shrugs, refusing to let tears fall. She can at least control her body. "I never bothered trying to cook again."

Regina catches her eye and Emma swallows back tears. "Well... provided you don't blow up my house, maybe we can extend your magic lessons to include cooking sometime." She offers after a minute.

Emma can't help but grin up at her, "you'd trust me not to explode your house?"

"Well, I have a fire extinguisher. And magic dear. I'm not that naïve."

Emma grins, "jerk." She looks up at Regina, who smiles back in such a way that almost knocks the breath out of Emma. She smiles at her like she's smiles at Henry. And Emma wants to lean up and kiss her, so she digs her knees into the floor instead and looks away.

But then she hears Regina suck in a breath and tentatively whisper, "you mentioned kissing earlier... why?"

Emma glances up at her, and she's never seen Regina look this... scared? Vulnerable? She's not sure. But it's then that all the weird looks Regina has been giving her finally make sense. Emma picks at her jeans again nervously. Regina won't say it, not in a million years, not unless Emma does first. Emma, unable to lie to her now is the only way she'd dare ask. And Emma gets that, more than Regina will probably ever know. The sting of rejection, over, and over, and over becomes too painful. Too big.

Emma bites her lip and looks back up at Regina. She shrugs. "Um... because I wanted to? I—I've wanted to for a while I think. I'm not sure how long."

"Is it..." Regina pauses and pulls some hair back out of her face, "because you find me attractive?"

Emma nods. "Well duh, you know you're hot Regina come on."

That appears to have been the wrong thing to say, Regina almost jumps out of her chair and away from Emma. Instead, she clenches her teeth angrily and narrows her eyes. "Solely because you find me attractive?" She asks, angrily. And Emma finally gets it, Regina _cares_ about her. She doesn't just want to just jump her bones. She doesn't want to be desired for just her body. Emma thinks about it for a moment, she's felt attraction for a while; but, she hasn't allowed herself to think about anything more. For one, there really hasn't been time. Either Regina was trying to kill them, or something else was. Emma's feelings are complicated to say the least. But, whenever she sees Regina and Henry, she thinks of them as her family. She feels left out when the two of them go home together without her. When she's excited about something, or gets something right with her magic, it's _Regina_ she wants to tell. Not anyone else. She's nearly always happy to see Regina these days. Now that she thinks about it, she's always gravitated towards Regina in some form or another. _Oh shit_. Emma thinks.

"No." She says, "it's not just cause you're incredibly hot."

Emma can't make out all of the emotions that flicker across Regina's face, but hope and relief are definitely there. Along with arousal. Emma grins, and this time she does lift up, her face inching towards Regina's tentatively. It's after a second of hesitancy that Regina bends down and connects her lips to Emma's.

This whole telling the truth thing might not be so bad after all, Emma thinks as she sinks into the kiss.


End file.
